Anticipatory Grief: Grieving Your Family Member's Lost Health

Anticipatory grief also called pre grieving are the sad feelings we have before our family member dies as we anticipate his loss. Pre-grieving occurs in most situations where there is a lingering illness or decline. Knowing in advance that a loved one is dying can create a lot of contradictory feelings.

On one side, you may be fearful and dreading your loved one's death. On the other side, you may yearn for the resolution that his death can bring, the end to his suffering and struggle.

Tips for coping with anticipatory grief:

• Be present with your feelings.  When  you feel sad about family member's decline and loss of abilities, feel your feelings and do not push them aside.  In the rush and hurry of day-to-day life and caring for a family member, it is easy to replace feeling with doing.  Resist  pushing aside your feelings, find a bit of privacy and take a little time to experience your sadness.
• Share your feelings with others and get support for your ongoing grieving.  Seek a support person to confide in.  Ask the person to listen and be with you without judging or offering solutions.
• Seek moments of joy and connection with your family member.
   
• If you are caring for your family member, manage your caregiver stress by taking care of yourself.
• Anticipatory grief and caregiving do not automatically lead to depression and yet you should always be sensitive to the signs that the long lasting stress of your situation has triggered depression. If you find yourself consistently feeling sad and unable to cope, ask your doctor to screen you for depression.

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